This is how it begins. I say I'm fine, I feel fine, I'm impressed with how well I'm feeling. And then the heart palpitations begin. The choking feeling and the tears threatening to flood. It's so strange, it's like a light switch, but it has a mind of its own. Is it because it's my cousin's birthday? He's 10 days older than Charlotte. Is it because in 10 days it will have been 10 years? How have I lived an entire decade without my daughter?