Worry Stone

Saturday in the mail I received a gift.  Maybe I should start at the beginning.

When Miles was a newborn,  I started keeping up with the community on Baby Center.  The birth board I chose to join was a pretty terrible place. People bickering and being flat out rude for the sake of entertainment. It had very little to do with babies and very much to do with rotten attitudes.  Sometime in April or May,  someone mentioned drama on one of the other boards.  In the ensuing discussions,  someone brought up that this other board had a thread all about nail polish.  I was intrigued,  and even more so when people began to make fun of the very idea.  I've always had a love affair with nail polish. I thought it was just a girl thing.  So of course I decided to check out the nail polish thread and see what it was really about. It turned out to be about nail polish. No drama,  no bickering,  just shared joy over a cosmetic item.  Simple.  Straightforward.  I joined the women talking about their nails and just kind of stood in the background,  lurking for the most part.   In August or September, a new person began posting on the thread.  She introduced herself,  and told her story.
She had lost her first child in June.  Full term,  unexplained stillbirth.  I reached out to her,  She reached back.  We became friends.  We talk occasionally.  We text constantly.  She gives me strength.  I give her as much support as I can. 

In the mail,  I received a small fairy encased in a enamel star.  I put in it my pocket and rub my fingers across it throughout the day.  Sunday,  on my way to work I was thinking about how much I dislike the month of February.  Then a thought occurred to me.  Charlotte lived through most of the month.  I thought at that time,  8 years ago today,  she was alive.
Because,  I think,  of this worry stone,  Maybe I can begin to worry less about the month of suck. Maybe I can choose instead to remember how alive she was for the majority of it.