The amusement is wearing off. I can honestly say that. I know the old saying, "if I don't laugh I'm going to cry," but I don't know if that's where I am. I'm just not laughing anymore.

I started this blog because I was going crazy. Since I'm visiting there again lately, I've been blogging in my head a lot. So many words in there. So much to say, but my fingers wont type what I think. And when I wake up in the morning, it's gone.

I'm tired. Tired of smiling and saying it's okay. We're fine. I know it's not normal to have this much put on us, but we're fine. We're fine. It wears you out. I've felt all summer like I had a light inside of me. That things were going to be okay because of this light. That we could smile and laugh and make jokes about cancer and broken bones because the light was on. But today It seems like it's just a cheap light bulb. And it's flickering. Obviously, I'm not giving up, we're still going to be fine. But today I am tired. Today I am spread out all over the world- those pieces of myself I've given away. Today I am worn out because the pieces I have left don't fit right.