Here we go again.

I wonder whose idea it was to tell the world that a new year meant we got to start fresh? It's just a date on a calender.

But maybe I'm feeling extra bitter right now because we're waiting on the results from Mike's CT. Waiting to see if he still has cancer.

Mike and I discussed babies last week. Because yes, people ask me all the time if we're going to have more. When we're going to try. Blah blah blah. Add to that the fact that some people close to us are having more, and are doing it now.. Well, the pressure's on.

So I told Mike that it makes me angry that no one else has to stop and think about their decision. No one else has to wonder if their child's father will be around in 5 years so watch their kids start school. No one else wonders if their baby will even survive to see their birth day. And I know these things make me sound selfish and whiney, and no, I do not wish these things on anyone, ever. But it's not okay that no one seems to understand where we are coming from. It makes me even more lonely. And unsure. And yes, angry.