Living with the loss of stillbirth and learning to live in the sunshine of our new normal.

Saturday, April 7, 2018

11 years

My darling,

  11 years have come and gone since you came into our lives, and left without a sound. There are days when I wonder if you still belong to me, or if you ever really did. Our life without you is so busy, so loud and messy, and although I know you'd fit right in with us, you're nowhere to be found. I still have moments when I look around, trying to find something I've lost, without thinking about what it is. Some catch in my breath that tells me someone is missing, and it takes a moment for me to remember that it's you. You're always missing.
This past year have brought more grief than I'd thought possible. These past few years my faith has been on shaky ground, but since we lost your grandmothers and your cousin, I feel as though the ground has fallen out completely. Is wanting to believe the same as believing? I miss you, my little love. My first and always, I miss not having you, never having you. I hope you're somewhere safe, that you remember me, and that you understand more things than i do.

1 comment:

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