My house smells like Christmas trees. We bought ours tonight. We'll let it fall out and decorate tomorrow night. It's a great tree. It's hard to believe it's been a year since our first Christmas in this house. We had no furniture in our front room. Now it's loaded with toys, a couch, a rocking chair, a rocking elephant, a mini piano.. It's been quite a year.

Sophia slept in her room last night. 100% in her room. It was a rough night for the two of us. She wanted to be with Mike and I and I wanted to sleep. When she stretches out on her mattress, she's got about 4" before her feet hit the edge. Oish. My baby needs a twin size bed. She is so big and so amazing and so.. two. It's going to be hard to put away the crib (it's a crib that transitions to a toddler and then full size bed) But her room wont accommodate a full size. So we'll pack the crib away. The one we set up for our Charlotte, and left up for a lonely, terrifying year while I was pregnant with Sophia.

I'm trying to step down from my Celexa, but that's a story for another night.

Let me start by outlining my least favorite things about winter, just to get them off my chest. 1- Driving in the snow. Snow is fine, and almost beautiful. As long as it's not on the roads and sidewalks. 2- Dry air = dry, itchy skin. Very dry. Very itchy. Painful. Boo. 3- Dry air = static everywhere. Have you every tried making a tutu when everything is sticking to itself and you just want to scream? Try it. 4-gas/electric bills. Ugh. 5- Not being able to go to the zoo/park/etc. It's so cold and it seems like Sophia has a cough every time I turn around. Poor kiddo :(

And now, here we are. We are sitting in the therapy room at Utah Cancer Specialists for the last time. Mike is asleep. We are running waaay behind schedule. Rough start for chemo. His first blood draw wouldn't clot so they had to re-draw and re-run his labs. His creatinine was higher than "normal" so the machine kicked it out. Start over again. Finally after being in the chair for over an hour, the lab sent out his drugs. And now we have 3 more hours. I'm super restless and just want to walk around. But the place isn't that big and I think I was making the office people nervous. FB games are boring today and magazines can't hold my interest. Mike's BP is really (really) high. So again with the screwing around with the medicines. Our hope is that when the meds are out of his system, his BP will even out again. Chemo is not good for the blood. haha. Sigh. We're scheduling a CT for 2-3 weeks from now. We have to do it without IV contrast, so we'll just see what we can see. We meet back with Dr. Chandramouli in 4 weeks and we'll get the results and talk about where we go from here. Should be that we'll just come back in every 3 months and a CT once a year. It's been a strange year. But it's ending on a high note.

I haven't noticed the month flying by. It's gone now.

Tomorrow is Mike's last day at chemo. He will have his pump until Friday and then he is done. We will squeeze in some scans by the end of the month to see that there is no sign of disease left.

I cleaned today, trying to get ready to decorate for Christmas. But I am so easily distracted that nothing got done. I haven't had time to think about Christmas cards or parties. I've been in retail hell. And of course the holiday sadness is setting in. I am thankful for Celexa, but it can only do so much.

I have been very thankful lately. But unfortunately I do my best thinking in the car and by the time I make it to my computer, my thoughts have turned away from my blog and toward dishes. Or Hulu. Today I am thankful for my home. It is warm, it is full of laughter. It is always a mess, but it usually smells good. It is our first home. We own every inch of it. We own the leaf covered lawn, the box-filled garage, the toy-covered carpet. We have filled it with our love, our laughter, our lives. I am thankful for our home because it is something we built as a family.

Today I am thankful that I live in a country that tries to include it's citizens in its government. I voted today. I know that people whine that voting doesn't make a difference and that politics are full of empty promises. But how is sitting on your couch going to fix that? Our world isn't perfect. And maybe we cannot make enough of a ripple to fix the big things. But one little step in the right direction in a start.

Last year on Facebook, every day in November, many people would post something they were thankful for. I am going to do it again this year, and I want to try to post here, as well.

Today I am thankful that we received our tax rebate for the house. We can now pay off our appliances and breathe a little bit easier. It's been a rough year. The money doesn't fix it, but it means one less monthly payment, which is big in our world.

I remember when I was a kid, jumping off of my bed into the hallway where the light was on. I was sure there was something hiding under my bed and it couldn't get me if I was standing in the light. I hope Sophia is never scared of those monsters.